Surrey League – Bourne 1 vs Spencer 1 – Match Report

  • Surrey Squash and Racketball

Ouch. Our team has become pretty used to being on the winning side of fixtures, having claimed every scalp on offer up until this point. But last night didn’t go our way as we came up against a mighty strong Bourne team. On the lengthy trip home was had time to reflect on our defeat – and for Alex to figure out how he’s going to sit comfortably on his office chair over the next few days, because last night he literally took one for the team.

Having arrived nice and early to soak up the pleasant Bourne atmosphere I was first up on court. My opponent was a head or two taller than me and hit the ball pretty well. Maybe if I could just keep him moving hopefully he will tire and the court will open up a bit for me. Well, that was the half-baked plan. In reality, the exact opposite happened. He used his albatrossic wing-span, size and accuracy to great effect, taking control of the T, cramping me up a bit, and working me deep into the corners respectively. As much as my conscious brain screamed to my autonomous brain to keep the ball straight and stop with the weak cross-courts, my autonomous other said to hell with you I quite fancy the chances of these cross-courts getting better. My legs just couldn’t keep up with the well crafted argument my opponent threw against them, and he concluded 3-0 with a very admirable declining score line.

Alex was next up on court against the same guy who played one for the team in the previous round. It was a reasonably close fought match with both players moving well and playing well structured squash. At 1-1 in games, Alex allowed his opponent an inch ahead probably feeling a little more pressure than he should have been, and giving a few too many opportunities at the front of the court. He relaxed again in the fourth, and was able to regain the momentum and take the match convincingly into a fifth set decider – which was scrappy to say the least (but still in good spirit I might add). Both players were digging deep, the score line remaining neck and neck as they jostled with each other for the finish line. Then “the incident” happened – during one of these scrappy rallies Alex hit a cross court a little wide for comfort, his opponent saw opportunity in the heat of the moment to drive the ball cross court in an attempt to catch Alex by surprise from the middle of the court. Instead he caught Alex by surprise, driving the ball squarely into Alex’s right bum cheek at full gas! Just slightly below the belt if you wanted the detail of it. There were gasps of anguish from the gallery as we collectively felt Alex’s pain, rubbing our right bum cheeks in solidarity. Alex slammed the door open and stormed off court to get away from it all (an action apparently not within the boundaries of a hissy fit). Once back on court after the cooling off period, he struggled to regain his full composure and the game soon fell away to his opponent. Which is why over the next few days Alex’s colleagues will be left feeling slightly uncomfortable as he paces up and down during meetings unable to seat himself. It was a hard fought 3-2 loss.

Next up Dan against an opponent almost his polar opposite, but similar in some respects. Where Dan is clean shaven, his opponent has the beard of a lumberjack. Where Dan wore a T-shirt showing his good natured corporate roots, his opponent wore a T-shirt paying tribute to the heaviest of death metal rock music. Where Dan wore white shorts that would be welcomed in any Wimbledon tennis championship, his opponent wore Bermuda shorts that would be welcomed on any of the beaches at Tenerife. Where Dan is politely well-spoken, his opponent has a potty mouth. The differences end there though, for they were both of similar height and had uncannily similar squash styles. I call them squash twins, separated at birth, prime targets for nature versus nurture debates. There similar styles meant we were treated to some quite spectacular squash. Both players going for their shots with great levels of accuracy, straightening up brilliantly from difficult positions in the front of the court, and picking up a superbly. There wasn’t much in it, except for maybe Dan’s opponent showing a little more bad-assery around the middle of the court which allowed him a slight advantage. A crucial moment occurred in the fourth game with the score line level around 13-13 and Dan looking to take it into a fifth. His opponent hit a half-decent cross-court volley nick which Dan picks up! And then calls it down conceding the point to his opponent. Sporting, but, argh! We may never know what might have happened if the rally had continued, but it allowed his opponent a whiff, and bad-asses enjoy a good whiff. Bad-assery went on to triumph 3-1.

Mike came into his match carrying oodles of that gees from his previous match. He tapped that gees into his legs, transforming himself into speedy gonzales. He was zipping to and fro, fetching this and that, attacking everything else. Besides letting one game slip he pretty much had the measure of his opponent, going 2-1 up in games and eventually creating 3 match balls for himself in the fourth. Then the foot relaxed a little on the gees, allowing his opponent to run 5 pretty easy points to take the match into a fifth game decider. By then the gees had been tapped out and his opponent took advantage of an open court to comfortably take the fifth. Argh, so close!

Our opponents were hellavu good hosts at the tranquil club of Bourne. They outclassed us in every way, and we may just have shown too much charity on the evening. So as we lick our wounds – and Alex pops squats during his toilet breaks – it’s important to remember that we still have a commanding lead on the points table, we’ll be wise to maintain that lead by taking every point available from here on out if we want that promotion. So on we go, full gees!


1 Reply to "Surrey League – Bourne 1 vs Spencer 1 – Match Report"

  • comment-avatar
    Mike P
    20th July 2016 (11:58 am)

    Great read Grant! Thanks for the report